I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
