How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
