Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize