There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Your penis caused this!
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