who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
