Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
