Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
