Who wears a wallet chain?!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
