I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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