so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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