Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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