Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
