There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
