Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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