Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
