I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
