Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
