I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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