I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
