Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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