can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
