How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
