The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
