i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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