If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
