Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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