It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
one might say we're banned from that church
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
