I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
