I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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