And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
