Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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