Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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