erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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