I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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