when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
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