Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize