david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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