I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
