theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
