His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
