i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
