im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This is the high leading the old right now
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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