Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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