its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
