You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
