I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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