Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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