Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
