go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
