Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
