His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
