her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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