I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
