Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Randomize
