I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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