On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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