i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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