just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You ruined the universe
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
