also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
