I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
