Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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