:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
