So drunk its hurt
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
