I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
