Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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