Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
