How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize