Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
