I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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