so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
