Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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