Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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