I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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