i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
