Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
