A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
