I want to make a zoo with you.
Can Purell be used as lube?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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