it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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