My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
