The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
