So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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