I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
