I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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