Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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