I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
