her vagine was all disorganized.
babies were throwing up all over the place
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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