whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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