Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
